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An Article By Professor Steve

Denial, What Good Is It?



People often tell us we shouldn’t deny our reality; that we should embrace it! ...but what about when our reality sucks? Is it healthy to embrace misery? How do we change a rotten situation when we want to? Has anyone noticed that young children, using their imaginations, are usually the happiest people out there?

Like any other tool, denial can be used wisely or foolishly. No one wants to hit their own thumb with a hammer! When used properly, denial can be a useful tool. When applied inappropriately, it can be a handicap.

It’s not all bad

Denial isn’t bad; it is merely one step in changing our reality ...and like all staircases, it would be silly to just stand there on one step! If we don’t care much for our current reality, remember that we did co-create it, so we can sure enough change it!

With contributions from everyone around us, we either stagnate on our current life-step, descend deeper into painful misery, or ascend one step closer to joyful ecstasy. Unfortunately, many of us use denial as a means to defer blame ...which promotes stagnation, and may lead to descent down those stairs.

Whose at fault?

Denial should never be used as a means of casting blame on someone else for what we do, for that would be like forfeiting our own right to choose. Giving up our freedom of choice would be handicapping our ability to change.

Can I fix it?

Instead, when we notice what we don’t like (the things that bring us pain and misery), we should immediately imagine the opposite (what would bring us joy where we stand); then deny the negative a place in our life, dismissing it as the past ...letting it go!

Follow up by embracing that feeling of joy we imagined, and choosing to enjoy that new path opening up where we stand ...taking that next step up the staircase towards an ecstatic joyful life.

So in review:

  1. Notice a 'don’t like'
  2. Imagine a replacement, a 'much better' alternative
  3. Deny the past a place in our present, (forgive and forget)
  4. Embrace the joyful feeling of going forward with our 'much better' alternative
  5. Make the choice to 'do', (take the step that follows our joy)

Going forward may be as simple as noticing what others tell us they like about us. What are we really good at? What do we really love doing? These are the things we ought to pursue one way or another. Children always have such grand plans ... why don’t we? Sometimes there is great wisdom in learning from our children.

What can I do?

If you have found this information to be useful, and want to find out more, find solutions, find a mentor, find a life coach, or find an inspiration ... please go to my Solutions page.


Professor Steve

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